74 days

December 5th, 2019. This self portrait journey has been a mix of days where we set up the camera & shoot our life as it is and days where we intentionally create pretty or “perfect” portraits for us. And then, of course, there are days in between... like the iPhone selfies when we’re exhausted. No matter what though, for 74 days now we’ve done something and that makes me really proud, because it’s ours and we’ve stuck to it.
We have been through the hardest season we’ve ever experienced together these last few months. We intentionally started this project at a time that wasn’t ideal: living with his parents after our lives were upended. In the chaos and pain, I wanted to hide from myself, and I definitely wanted to hide from the world. Damn, I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad we stared this when it still hurt. (And I’m glad to be on the other side of so much of that now.)
I don’t mean to take a sudden turn here, and in my head this connection makes sense, but if it doesn’t... well, sorry. It’s exciting, fun, wonderful creating “pretty photos.” But the ones that feel closest to our real life & the ones feel deeply that *that is US* are the ones I love the most... and those are also the ones I have a hard time pressing publish on in the evenings. I feel so exposed.
There is security in “perfect” photos.
But when it’s more true to life... when it’s us in our PJs & cuddled in my favorite chair watching the office, I feel... vulnerable... and I find myself wondering (worrying?) what stories online-friends might tell themselves about what our marriage or life must be like.
I wonder if that feeling will go away before we stop doing these.

December 2nd-4th, 2019

December 2nd, 2019. Writing the date feels weird. It’s ONLY December 2nd? And it’s ALREADY December 2nd? Both of those responses happened at the same time in me basically.
Some days we get pretty portraits in my favorite light in our beautiful apartment... And some days we rent a hotel downtown for our very last birthing class and then skip it anyway and STILL manage to not get any photo except a sleepy iPhone selfie where we’re cuddled on the bed. I mean, I’m not saying that happened tonight. But I’m not saying it didn’t happen either. 😅 (71 days in with these self portraits though & haven’t missed a day. I totally count the iPhone memories 😂❤️)

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December 3rd, 2019. 36 weeks pregnant. And a headless (very very tired) husband. 🤪 (does your spouse also put a pillow over their head to fall asleep if the lights are on?)

December 4th, 2019.

grateful

November 29th, 2019. I could’ve just written “grateful” for this and it would be true and enough for today probably, but... I’m more wordy than that. 🤪 and it doesn’t seem like that sincerely conveys how meaningful this all is. moving into our new place. being so close to our next season together.
I’m in my favorite chair right now (a gift from our Mimi & Poppy) in our beautiful apartment, cozied next to our own bed (where Matthias is currently snuggled in his famous red robe), sipping on an eggnog latte that is burning my tongue off (the way I like my drinks😂). it feels complete now. the move, I mean. getting the piano here makes it feel complete. everything we own is under our own little roof again. 1100sq ft of just us and the things we like & love enough to call our own. it’s been one week today in this place. there is so much we want to do to make it *home*, but having things on the walls and being mostly unpacked and having a functional kitchen is a great start. I have ALL THE FEELINGS (and hormones). 😭💕 tomorrow is our first full day we have scheduled to be HOME all day and I am so. very. thrilled.
also, can we talk about the view from our bedroom window? cuz 🤩🤩🤩

November 28th, 2019

November 28th, 2019. Four years ago we celebrated Thanksgiving as newlyweds that barely knew each other after our three months of dating & whirlwind elopement. I didn’t think it could get more exciting or special than that! But today we celebrated Thanksgiving a month away from holding our own little baby and... well. yeah. this is more exciting and sweeter than anything I could’ve imagined. Gratefulness in my bones.

November 25th, 2019

I love (like, love love love) eggnog lattes. But I think this photo reveals how I feel about drinking eggnog cold & undiluted 🤭 another late Monday night, but instead of going to a hotel, we got to go HOME! Whatttt. So happy. And next Monday is the LAST Bradley Method class. We’ve been counting down since class 7 😂

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November 21st-24th, 2019

November 24th, 2019. Weekend recap! More like a week recap.😱 So many events. So many emotions. 😂 Took a break from daily posting since Wednesday, but we didn’t stop taking our daily photos.
Thursday: we had about 30 minutes total (that’s a generous estimate😂) of awake time together, so a selfie in the driveway before falling into bed was appropriate. It’s very similar to a photo we have while dating that I have always lovedddd and we’ve never recreated. We need to actually do that...
Friday: we moved! We MOVED! We’re in the most beautiful place - the first place to miraculously check off every single one of my very specific requests. 😭 ALL THE HAPPY DANCES. Thank you for those who prayed with us that we’d find the right place before Eliot’s arrival.
Saturday: celebrated Big Mom’s 80th birthday with so many people who love her, had an impromptu meeting with the midwife after some post-move concerns, but all is well(!!), a gumbo with the Bonin side of the family (this is RARE & so it’s precious!)
Sunday: Baby shower! Our largest daily selfie by FAR! 😂 How are we a month from meeting a new human that will be all ours? Overwhelmed with gratitude for this season and the people who love us & our baby already too.

November 18th, 2019

Two more weeks of Bradley Method classes after tonight, but I think this is our last evening staying in a hotel for it. We move into our new place Friday & it’s a whole lot closer which will make the drive home after much more reasonable. I was thinking we’d do a photo to highlight the hotel room, but 1) I’m burnt out on hotels and 2) I saw mom’s Instagram post with dad and obviously recreating their pose was way more important than anything else we could’ve planned 😂 I have the cutest parents ever & my mom’s “marriage Monday” on Instagram is ADORABLEEE. Go follow her if you aren’t already (instagram.com/terribonin)🤣❤️🥰 PS. HOW CUTE IS THIS BLANKET? Someone at Matthias’ work embroidered it for us and I don’t even know her. How do you properly show gratefulness to a stranger that has given such a meaningful gift?? 😭

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November 17th, 2019

spent part of our Sunday afternoon walking the property with the pups. we are thrivinggg in this crisp November weather. Blackie lives here at the Frost property & he’s probably Byron’s very best BFF since they grew up together. (do dogs have BFFs?) it makes my dog-mom heart so happy when they run around together ...except when they end up in the pond. ew. Byron is not allowed back inside until he gets a bath because he’s stinkkkyyyy
now. 😂
the highway was supposed to be shut down all weekend for construction, so we made plans to stay in and not go anywhereee. when we found out it was opened back up early (when does that happen??), we decided to stick with our home plans today anyway & listened to a sermon about peace by David Dykstra on the back porch together.
we’re still outside, ending the evening grilling for the family. a good day. 🖤

November 16th, 2019

mom always said, “if you need something done, ask a busy person.” today proves why 😉 we had the opportunity to do whatever we wanted all day. a rare occasion! we could have fit into our schedule-of-nothingness some time for a beautiful portrait with gorgeous golden light... insteadddd, we never got out of our pajamas. (we have no regrets.)

two tiny moments watching the documentary “American Gospel” together this evening.

also... 6 Saturday’s until we have a baby?

November 14th, 2019

Stayed downtown again in a hotel after birthing class last night since it makes his commute easier the morning after our late night out. And I stuck around long enough this morning for us to have an early lunch together. Sharing food may be my favorite part of being a wife... and his least favorite part about being a husband?🤪 Pappasitos portions are huge though so we still left with a to-go box 😂 (soaking up every. last. second of it being *just us*) ❤️

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November 13th, 2019

Editing!!!! So! Much! Editingggg! (Not on this series... I use WiFi from my camera & just send them to my phone and do phone edits for our self portraits.) Oh my goodness, I am finishing the last galleries of the year & I’m so excitedddd to get them to their couples! So many beautiful photos & memories!!! Being a small part of others lives while helping them document important days is a great honor. Sometimes I have taken for granted that my career has been exactly what I dreamed of it being when I was a teenager, but I am very aware right now & man, I treasure all the sweet & happiest seasons I’ve gotten to experience alongside happy couples ❤️ and I’m grateful that my skill has been so perfectly sweet for our personal life & memories. If you’ve been considering getting a camera, just DO it. And if you can’t afford a camera, chances are you have a pretty amazing camera on your phone. Use the tools you have! 💕🥰

November 12th, 2019

honestly, we forgot about our photo for today until this exact moment. seemed like a good day for an iPhone selfie instead of an intentional portrait 😂 he’s already tucked into bed and yes, he’s sleeping IN his big red robe. he says it makes it easier to get out of bed in the morning. 😂 we’ve been sleeping with the window open and OH myyyy these temps are tittyfreezing cold, as my mom is so fond of saying. this week is crunch week for me finishing allllll the beautiful galleries and getting them sent off and then I’m done - like done, done - with photography work for 2019. it’s time to start nesting. that’ll happen when we’re actually in our apartment though 😂 move in date is next friday.

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