FALL FEST 2020!

faces of the very tired, very happy organizers of the first ever Fall Festival at The Grounds 1488.

we ended up with 2000ish (number yet to be confirmed!) people through and the day was AMAZING

Matthias keeps telling me he’s so proud of me and it makes me feel all the big feelings

we’re all relieved today was a success and now it’s time for some much needed rest. I have YL work through November since I’m working towards Platinum, but I feel really called to take December allllll the way off. I’m listening to that small voice and clearing my calendar instead of packing it like I have the bad habit of doing, especially around the holidays. here’s to whatever is next

Beginnings

i love beginnings. 

I love watching people embark on journeys, pick up new hobbies, start businesses, invest in learning new skill sets. I am the person cheering on the sidelines, 

keep it up! you’ve got this! 

you’re doing an honorable thing and it will be worth your time! 

just keep going!

don’t give up! 

but time and again, I find myself annoyed at me having to be beginner at things. I want to do _______ (whatever has currently captured my imagination) and I want to do it with excellence NOW.

There is something humbling and vulnerable about wanting something or wanting to be able to do something and being terrible at that thing. It’s always worth it though, isn’t it? 

And it makes life more special to have stories of beginnings and failures before victories. And I don’t just mean for big things, either. Humble beginnings are not just worth it for the wild dreams that work out, or the large, successful businesses.

There is magic in the little beginnings, little things, there is magic in beginnings of adventures that aren’t even meant for a lifetime. The first loaf of sourdough bread. The painting that didn’t turn out like expected. The piano piece that doesn’t sound right yet. 

Reminding myself of the magic of beginnings, because I want to be a person brave enough to always be starting something new. Even if it means being terrible for a time. 

(check out eliot’s smirk with his mouthful from this chunk of our first sourdough. ❤️)

Journaling

You know that feeling when you’re on a long trip and you dream of being home? And you pull out your journal and write out all the things you want to do and what your life and days will be like when you’re back? The structure. The emotions. The intention. That feels really good.
We haven’t been on a long trip recently, but needed a reset so I dropped Eliot off with my mom on a Friday afternoon and went somewhere I never go, ordered an unfamiliar drink, read a book, then journaled. Journaled like I was far away and planning to come home to an empty schedule that I could fill however I wanted. What would my ideal days look like? I’m completely in charge of my time... if something I want is different than how I’m living, why? The exercise is refreshing and I feel I have more clarity on what to say “yes” to as we move into this new season.

tumblr vibes

while I’ve changed significantly in the past 10 years, my taste in photographs really has not. I’m 26 and still enjoy & take the types of photographs that inspired me (thanks tumblr) at 16. the hardest thing about darker + more quiet photos is the sharing. I cringe at myself when I want to publicly share something dramatic. 😅 I’d rather make a joke. “I’m just a drama mama.” it feels easier that way, because if people are going to laugh, well, I laughed first. I’m still learning how to lean in rather than avoid or make jokes.

I like this picture. I like the light & shadows.

there, progress.

G O L D 🎉🥳

hahaha so much for being cute.

we were going to celebrate hitting Gold in Young Living this morning with some gold balloons. obviouslyyyy. this was the exact moment I realized the G had escaped before we had a chance to take any photos 🤣💀 Matthias was quick getting these and they make me laughhh. okay, maybe we aren’t influencer status, but we sure can help empower families to take charge of their wellness and that’s what really matters here, right?😜

cheers to a new & exciting season of life! 🥂🥳

overflowing

A familiar scene. A late night tea after Matthias & Eliot are tucked in bed. ⠀

I am inspired, excited, and enjoying our days so much. My cup is overflowing. ⠀
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Another one to love. A home that is ours. A business I enjoy. Days that are dictated not by anyone or anything else. I would’ve assumed as a child that meant not doing anything, just playing... an endless vacation. But gosh, that isn’t fulfilling at all. Pouring myself into work brings me to life. I feel alive. ⠀
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I am feeling the joy and reaping the rewards of hard work and consistency. July, August, and September are going to be huge months in our YL business and I am ready for all of it. ⠀
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Spent my afternoon with Kate, Kristin, & her girls. And my evening with Ethan, Hannah Joy, and Ollie. A perfectly perfect mundane day with the nitty gritty & dreaming & motherhood & a from scratch dinner. ⠀
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PS. Reading The Unprejudiced Palate right now and IT IS GOOD.

june 28th, 2020

we’re members of our church (as of last week) and that feels so incredible. our first church to ever be members at as a married couple. 🥺❤️ it took us wayyy too long, but we’re here now and I’m so excited to raise Eliot (& our future kidlets) with this church family. since Matthias was working all day yesterday, we spent the entire afternoon at home today. reading in bed & on the porch (we LOVE our little porch). dreaming of our future garden & looking (again) at windows (oh my gosh this is hard... and expensive). the dick van dyke show. a long walk. baby snuggles & some coaching — come on! you can crawl! we know it! coyote taco soup. a good day.

pregnant

I’ve been talking about getting pregnant again since Eliot was two months old. That really freaked Matthias out... so it’s a good thing Eliot is a whole five months old, right?😜 we think we have a February 2021 baby on our hands. ahhhh! 🤩💞🌿 

measuring our future

I’m pretty sure the neighbors are watching as we measure out our future home in this green space & along our buildings.

20 weeks

My little baby isn’t little. Eliot is 20 weeks right now and is so tall & large and in charge that he seems much older. I miss the newborn snuggles, but I love the personality. 😭❤️ he grew out of the solly wrap sooner than I would’ve wished, but he wants to forward-face and see the world.
I understand, little lion. And I hate to lose the chest to chest snuggle, but I’m happy you want to look out and take it all in.

s i l v e r

tonight. hitting Silver. our little life is changed forever and I can cry about that so I will. 😭❤️

lists

Yay! Byron is home with us again after a couple weeks at the Frost family home because of a flea incident.

Met today about The Grounds & The North Woodlands Festival. Gosh. Every single thing we discuss when we meet starts a fire in me. Even the boring stuff like admin & emails. ⠀
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I did maybe 700 dishes today. 800? Maybe 1000? It felt like a lot. How can two people make so many dishes? And what will it be like when we have a house full of children? I can see why we had a maid growing up. Help will be necessary if I want to accomplish anything else. ⠀
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I was frustrated with myself tonight. Probably because I’m on my period and have all those ~emotions~ but also because I fill my lists with too many things that I can’t necessarily get to all in one day. I’m always so hopeful about what I’ll accomplish. I need to learn how to make more realistic lists for what I can accomplish in a day. I definitely learned from Amanda (@amandanoel___ ) recently— put the basics on the list too. Unloading a dishwasher & eating lunch ARE a part of my day. So I can’t just NOT count them because my lists are already too overwhelming.. Then at least when I look at my lists they’ll be getting things checked off and I won’t be as frustrated at lacking a sense of accomplishment. ⠀
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Baby steps. Learning to be soft.

four months with lionhart

ELIOT IS 4 MONTHS OLD.

Not only did I survive the wedding (even with Eliot on his own for his first time) but ROCKED IT. With Kate, because of course. She is the best second shooter + artist I know. I’m sorry. This is like riding a bike. Why do I doubt myself especially after this many years?  also, 10000% present for the brides I have left, and confident as ever that this isn’t my dream career anyone. I want to shoot weddings for the people I love and never want to do it again.

Beau's Birthday

Sweet Matthias, even at nearly midnight he’ll indulge me for 2 minutes to grab our photo of the day. 216 days of these. Our consistency with this project may be the thing I’m proud of the most right now. ⠀
18 years ago Beau was born. Today I didn’t get to celebrate at birthday breakfast. I didn’t get to even see him on his actual 18th birthday— but we did have a pretty awesome party yesterday. His birthday is a bittersweet reminder of how fast the years go. The first time I remember using a camera was taking pictures of Beau. As he grew up I realized he was the sibling most like me. It’s like God forgot he already gave the Bonin’s WAY too much. But actually... no. It wasn’t ever enough. Beau is a perfect piece. The exact person we needed RIGHT in the middle of all of us. 2 boys & 3 girls before him. 2 boys & 3 girls after him.⠀
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Beau is the cream cheese icing in between layers in the cake. (You know, the part everyone ignores the cake to get to cuz it’s so good.) He may be a 8 years younger than me, but he’s a best friend for life.

Watch Beau’s sweet corona surprise birthday & graduation party here.

messy spaces

how long should it take to set up the space you want to make messiest? shouldn’t the messiest space be the quickest to be unpacked? ah. probably. that hasn’t been the case here. I am so slow to unpack my art things and so quick to complain about not doing the art I want to. I finally started unpacking boxes recently and I feel so *myself*. finding journals recently was fun. and finding things to paint with, draw with, craft with... ahh. it feels. so. right. I feel so right.

okay, now that everyone else has stopped reading because of my wordiness... I have to say what a blessing it is to work from my phone. I try not to say it too much because that gets annnoyyyingggg. holy cow. this is like what I did as a professional wedding photographer but 100x better because it’s without all the weekends away 😭❤️ and praise Jesus, because ALL I want is to be home with my baby lion. thank. you. God. for. YL.

being a wedding photographer was my DREAM. if I did that, I made it. ...and then I did it. and then I didn’t want to do it any more. isn’t life crazy?

Journals

Over the last couple of days I’ve been organizing the second bedroom and I’ve been through so. many. boxes. I found a bunch of the journals I’ve filled over the years and it seemed right to get a photo of this new little life next to pages of my life leading up to his birth. Someday, if he ask to, I’ll let him read these. (Even the really embarrassing ones.)

April 8th, 2020

Oh, wow. These days as a mama of one. He doesn’t crawl yet, so even with this recent sleep regression, I’d say this is easy. And I thought... I thought I’d be giving up... everything. But it doesn’t feel like that. It feels the world has opened even more. I can’t wait to experience life through his eyes. (I love you, Eliot Lionhart.)