I’ve noticed that sometimes I’ll be looking at the same thing as a friend, but we’re seeing entirely different stories.
It's fascinating to me how our focus changes what we actually see in the world, even when we’re looking at the same moments.
Have you ever heard of "The Gorilla Experiment”? It was a study conducted at Harvard University.
Participants were asked to watch a video of people passing a basketball and count the number of passes made by one of the teams.
Sounds simple enough.
But here's the twist: in the middle of the video, a person dressed in a gorilla suit walks right into the scene, beats their chest, and then walks off.
Surprisingly, most of the people who watched the video completely missed seeing the gorilla, even though he was in plain sight for nine seconds.
How is this even possible? Upon watching it a second time, not so zoned-in on one thing, participants wondered how they’d missed him at all.
The researchers called this phenomenon "inattentional blindness."
Okay, so now let me make my own weird connection here, even if this doesn’t really apply to this science.
Our focus shapes our perception, and our perception shapes our experiences, right?
In our lives, especially at home, I think, it's easy to become blind to our stories.
Not because we aren’t paying attention, not because we’re looking the other way.
We’re here, we’re tuned in, and sometimes we still miss it.
There are moments when I become so focused on specific tasks or problems in parenting that I become blind to my own life.
It's like I’m looking at the world through a narrow lens, missing out on the beautiful details happening right in front of me.
The beauty of my life; a toddler wanting to climb into my lap being a precious moment for connection—and I miss it. 😭
I miss the giant gorilla (of beauty or goodness) in the middle of the room because of my hyper-fixation on the house being unraveled again, or the attitude issues we’re working on.
It’s easy to get so caught up in the moment or the hard mixed up in it all, we miss the blessings happening right here, right now.
There's something magical about having someone from the outside offer a fresh perspective on our lives.
Having someone looking in can be so helpful… But we’ve primed ourselves to be annoyed by it.
The stranger in the grocery store telling us to savor every moment becomes a villain, because don’t they know just how freaking hard it is to be a mom and that not every moment is worth savoring? Don’t they know some moments we’re just focused on getting through?
Their perspective on our lives being beautiful, and worth remembering, and savoring, down to the very minute frustrates us.
Because we’re looking at our lives, and we just don’t see a damn thing in this moment at the grocery store with tiny children to be savoring.
But… both can be true. It’s the same story. It’s the same moment.
A stranger or friend calling out the goodness they see, calling on us to love it— they're not trying to invalidate our struggles; rather, they're showing a different perspective, a view from the outside by someone not so closely counting the passes.
As I reflect on my friendships, the books I read, the podcasts I listen to, music I enjoy… I see how thankful I should be for the great value these perspective-shifters add to my life.
They come in all those forms and more and are constantly giving me reminders to look again at my own life.
I’m grateful that when I’m discouraged, I can lean on others for fresh eyes and attitudes on the world, on my life at home with my sweet boys.
And to the many comments I get at our local H-E-B, I say thank you, and I mean it.
Sometimes we need a little help seeing the goodness in the stories happening in front of us.
