Over the summer I had talked about using my bump as part of a costume this year, but here we are on Halloween & it hadn’t crossed my mind again until like... this exact moment.
We celebrated our dear friend Bailey’s birthday this evening & there was wine & beer & pizza & cake like all our birthdays in the last few years, but there were also children. We’re... big people with tiny people at events now.... not siblings or other people’s kids. *Our* kids. (Well, our friends kids. You know what I mean.) THAT feels like adulthood. That & the fact that like 4 people had left the party before 8pm. I don’t know what I expected entering the season of life with our friends growing their families, but it’s happy & fulfilling. And driving home right now with Matthias beside me & Eliot fluttering around in my womb makes me happy sigh. If I ever thought getting older was going to be lame, I was wrong.
October 30th, 2019
This afternoon I walked the place I think is going to be our next home. Briefly I got to dream of our home birth and what is next for us. One step at a time.
Hurry up, wait
tired. so. tired. hurry up, wait. “it’s always 10pm” he said tonight. it does feel that way. at least right now. we’re worn out. we wouldn’t change anything about where God has us in this season, but I will cry about it sometimes, like tonight. and that’s okay, I will be okay with that. it won’t always be like this.
I took our photo selfie style in the mirror tonight with Matthias petting Byron (who you can barely see) in the background. real. life. and thats what I’ve been wanting to capture with these.
right after taking the photo, I laid down to just chat with him. it’s nice to have someone to reliably confide in. and I realized in that moment laying with him, *that* was our moment today. that should be our photo. right there. as we were. exhausted beyond exhaustion, together. cozy. I am so glad my camera was already out. I’m so grateful for the gift of this moment documented forever.
A reason to get up
It doesn’t matter what time we start our mornings, there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day for all we want & need to do! I hope that continues to motivate & excite us. There is so much life to be lived. So much to talk about. So much to accomplish. So many places to still see. A son to still meet. Ah. I’m so grateful for these days, crawling into bed exhausted, looking forward to the next to do it again. There have been seasons in life when that hasn’t been the case. When sleep was what I looked forward to because I lacked meaning. (+ depression adds another layer to this. If you’re dealing with it, find someone to talk to 🖤) Without the grounding of & direction from true, deeply rooted meaning & purpose, life can be unbearably hard. It doesn’t have to be that way though. There is more for each of us than grinding at work and living for the weekend. Books have played a major role in shaping my outlook on life and helping me out of my ruts. 😭🖤 I have recommendations if you are looking for places to start in your search for meaning.
35 Days of Portraits
i spent my drive time this afternoon & evening dreaming of what i imagine hanging in our home, & it’s not all perfect, smiley, well lit portraits.
Read more"Framily"
Who could’ve guessed that the “Mr. & Mrs. Cole” I grew up in church with would become my best friends as I entered adulthood & be such an influential part of our life & marriage.
Read moreOctober 25th, 2019
✨ two degrees done (both by him!), 6 months of vacationing overseas completed, our own little person growing, add to that: a full FOUR YEARS MARRIED ✨
happy anniversary, love 🖤
Anniversary Eve
my first true memory of him was when he asked my to dance that night.
Read moreTaking Time
not everyone is made to work for themselves, but some are. the ones who want freedom & will do the work to earn it, the ones who have fear, but choose to fight it anyway so they can have something better than they have right now.
Read moreHappy
Wednesday nights are family dinners at the Frost family home. Unfortunately, tonight Matthias missed the fun & chaos of the full table & conversations & babies & all the good things that happen when you get people you love into a room and around food. He’s working so hard on his dream & it makes the late nights worth it, but it’s still sad when he comes home late.
It was really nice to have some time talking with his parents tonight when he finally made it to their place & ate his dinner at nearly 9pm. This was a moment we were laughing about our budgeting habits with his mama. 🙈 It makes me so happy to have captured a genuinely sweet moment together after two long days apart.
BabIes & Stuff
Hannah Joy made me a baby registry today. I’ve been putting it off... and since we’re getting so close, it just needed to be done. (How am I 30 weeks pregnant??) Baby registries are overwhelming and complicated and... there is just *so* much stuff for babies. When I got to her home this evening and scrolled through it though, it made me laugh & nearly cry. It hit me again. We’re having a baby. A tiny person that is from Matthias and me. Our person. And he’s going to be so little and squishy and, oh my gosh, he *is* going to need stuff. Even if it’s just basics like diapers and some clothes. THANK GOD for sisters who make baby registries for the procrastinators.
And I finished Jenna Kutchers Pinterest Lab today. Dang, that girl can put out SO much content. She’s impressive. I’m inspired by her and so many other women who work their butts off from home to support their families. I have LOVED my career as a wedding photographer, but I am thrilled to be slowing that down for working from my laptop so I can do less travel, have more weekends at home, and just be present for motherhood in the way I picture will work for us & all that entails.
Birthing Class
Accurate photo of our faces on Monday nights when we watch births with our Bradley method birthing class peers. Ouch. (What am I even doing with my hand? That wasn’t on purpose. Making a fist is a part of my tensing habit I guess?🤣)
I’ve attended many births, but man, nothing is graphic like a close up of a vagina on a large screen tv.
October 20th, 2019
intentional day of rest. (& laughing at Matthias’ shirt. 🤣 mr. can’t-stay-up-past-midnight)
Pumpkin Spice Latte Recipe
alllll the yummy + not all of the artificial yuck in the traditional coffeeshop syrups
Read moreLast Wedding
home just after midnight after my last wedding of 2019.
I didn’t know how I would feel after this last wedding. pregnancy-tired is it’s own thing. and then there is wedding-tired... but it’s 00:15 & I am not physically miserable. in fact, I feel great. cheers to that! (we’ll see what tomorrow has to say about this whole shooting-for-eight-hours-at-30-weeks-pregnant...)
Matthias kindly carries my heavy pelican case for me after long days. so even though he was asleep when I made it home, he came out to lug my equipment in. very thankful for that.
Head Rubs
can it count as a self portrait if there is so little of me in the photo? I’m telling myself so... I mean, yesterday’s photo was just our hands. so this is sort of that again. just with a whole lot more of Matthias. 😉
he often plops a pillow in my lap & lays on me for head rubs. sometimes just for the comfort of touch. sometimes for an achy head after a long day. sometimes to talk with my undivided attention. sometimes to fall asleep, like he is now, while I do other things on my phone.
I’ll always treasure the many days we’ve had together with four easily available hands to love & serve each other with. I’m also excited about having them more full, even as inaccessible as that may make them, as we have babies. maybe we won’t get as much opportunity for head rubs, but trading that for baby snuggles seems fair.
October 17th, 2019
“and we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done.” - feist
🖤
edited to add: a friend pointed out the resemblance to the cathedral.
I’ve melted into the floor.
Fall Watercolor Cookies
it seems to be that all of the photographers i know can pick up any new thing & turn it into gold.
Read moreTen Years Too Late
honestly, looking back over years of journaling, my dreams really haven’t changed all that much.
except recently, when i wrote down how i pictured my life & things it included entering motherhood, i think i surprised myself when i included a blog on the list.
Read moreOctober 16th, 2019
post family dinner portrait with ambient light from the front porch & Matthias’ favorite magnolia tree, planted by his big brother when they were children.
today was really good. nothing extraordinary on the schedule or anything like that, but Matthias & I actually spent time together nuzzled up talking before he went to work and that really started my day off so nicely. typically, because he’s up so early, we don’t have time to enjoy our mornings together, but he stayed a bit later & we spent at least half an hour just enjoying each other’s company before he was out the door around 6:30 or whatever it was this morning. a rare little perfect memory I won’t soon forget.
I also got to see our darling son on an ultrasound again today. he’s perfect! duh. measuring 30 weeks & not breech like he was when we checked last time. and now we’re at the point in pregnancy where I get to see my amazing midwife every other week & I love her dearly, so I’m excited about that.
there were other things about today that were good for my heart... like this dreamy weather & connecting with some dear friends after what’s been far too long apart.
and I’m hopeful. and grateful. I have had some dark days in the last 7 weeks, but today wasn’t one of them. I am excited about where we are in this precious, quickly passing season of life, & I’m thrilled about what lies ahead with parenthood, celebrating year four of marriage, my business, and everything Matthias is working towards right now. 💕
