January 20th, 2020. Matthias went back to work today so last night was my first “alone” with our little lion. Eliot’s clock has been backwards again for the last couple of nights so I ended up with an hour or two worth of sleep. I rocked & held him all night to try to keep him sleeping in an attempt to turn his internal clock back around.
I. am. So. Thankful. For. My. Mom. She walked through the door around 6am and took over for a few hours so I could rest. We wouldn’t be surviving this transition if it weren’t for our awesome people. I feel well loved in this time.
I tried to go back to something normal today though & I did accomplish a lot. The part of me that hates being vulnerable or in need wants to make a list to prove it. “Look at me, I’m not just healing! I can work. I can do so much!” But I am humbled by how run down I feel tonight. I did too much trying to prove something to myself maybe? It makes me emotional.
Tomorrow, we’re going to stay in bed longer. Tomorrow, I’m going to take a nap.