An unexpected friendship

Sally Clarkson has been my friend since I was a little girl.

Well, I guess you wouldn’t really call us friends, since she doesn’t know me.

But my mom introduced me to Sally when I was young; through her written word, and also speaking events.

It feels like I’ve spent many hours with a cup of tea in my hand, sitting across from Sally talking about the important things in life. Getting to the heart of the matter on all things.

Whether it’s with my attitude, or my habits, or the love & words I bring into my home and to my family, it really feels as if Sally has taken me under her wing and mentored me personally.

There’s something so special about the written word.

Sally gave me (and the whole world!) such a gift when she decided to become a writer.

Mentorship in general is one of the greatest gifts. Older women taking younger women in, allowing them to journey alongside them through life’s ups & downs, with the mundane parts, difficult parts, seasons of changing relationships, and all the beautiful moments in between… it’s sweet. And special.

Recently another friend & mentor came into my life. And this one actually knows me by name. (😆)

Tammie Jurek, a wife, mother of adult children, an intentional mentor to a group of us young mothers. She’s lovingly called “Garbomb” by the children, since that’s her grandmother name, and she’s become like a grandmother to many more than her own!

In the Fall of 2022, Tammie began meeting with a group of us young moms, in a home, spending time with us late into the evenings.

Some of us on dining room chairs, or spots on the comfy couch, some on the floor, some with babies in their lap, we would discuss Mission of Motherhood (by Sally Clarkson, of course!) together, and Tammie would let us into her own story.

She shared pieces of her life and heart, stories from her young motherhood years, and passed along wisdom and encouragement. She brought us together so that we could begin knitting our hearts to each other in this group of women in similar seasons, so that we wouldn’t have to do this motherhood thing alone.

Tammie’s heart is for younger moms - reminding us to love our God, love our husbands, love our children. She lives out the wise older woman role, making us each feel seen, important, loved, and wanted in the group, even though we’re all just now getting to know each other.

Since it began, our little tribe has moved on to another book (Sally Clarkson’s “Awaking Wonder”) and we’ve changed meeting times, locations, new women have joined, we’ve spent days at the park, met at a coffee shop, had a mom swim night. It’s evolving, and every step of the way, I’m thankful to be invited. I’ve never seen anything like this. I’ve never been a part of anything like this.

It feels so special to be included in a community that is tied together with a meaningful common purpose. It’s a group of girlfriends that doesn’t take away my attention and focus from the greater things, but always draws me back.

Leaving time together with them, I’m always pointed again toward what my true focus should be. This community is so life-giving. (Speaking of life-giving: have you read the Life-Giving Home by Sally? Go download it on Audible immediately!)

Tammie has been bringing in other older women with a similar mission— making more time & space when we’re together for one on one conversation and mentorship with younger/older women.

I am thankful for the influence Sally has had in my life with her words. And for the impact Tammie is having in my life (and so many other moms right now) by pouring her heart into our community.

My hope is that this experience we’re having in our little part of the world encourages you. If there’s not an older woman in your life stepping up like Tammie, (let’s be honest about how rare this is!) please don’t feel left out. I don’t know that I’m qualified to make recommendations, but I’d tell you what I would do if that was my position right now.

First, seek out mentors through books— connect with women like a Sally Clarkson through their words! Even if she doesn’t know your name, you will be blessed by your time spent with her in her books. Second, seek out friends who have the same desire to discover beauty and truth, and perhaps put a little book group together yourself. I think you might also be surprised if you ask an older woman in your life to be a friend and guide, she would probably be willing and honored.

I feel like this is important to note. I am not best-friends-and-texting-about-everything with the women in this community. I don’t want to over-romanticize what we have or paint a false picture of what friendship in motherhood looks like for me right now. While I am so thankful to be in a circle of such amazing women whom I respect, we’re also all really in the trenches, busy doing life with our own children and spouses, in our own homes, at our own churches… I guess I want to mention that because I don’t want it to be assumed this community is perfect in some magical and unachievable way.  This is just regular women doing our best and thankful to have each other along the way.

I missed that second group photo. I was up hosting the sweetest Blessingway for Mikayla right before Reverie was born. Hey, I should write about that. 🥹

PS. I asked Tammie if she had anything to add and here is what she shared:

I realized early on in my parenting adventure that I needed wisdom from older women because I saw the lack of it in my life.

I began praying asking God to show me one woman who I believed walked close to Jesus and would be someone who cared about me enough to share her personal story as a momma. God always answered my prayer above and beyond my request. So pray first for a mentor.

Be willing to take the initiative as a young mom. Older moms have just released their own children and need to know their journey has value. They need people who want to hear about it.

If you do reach out and the mom says no, then accept that this isn’t the right mentor for you and move on. Again, God knows your need and will answer in the right time.

Do not walk the mom road alone. You need people even if you are an introvert.

- Tammie

My mom & I dont have a perfect relationship (and that’s ok)

The mother and adult daughter relationship isn’t one that always comes easy. At least in my experience, even if you’re very close friends with your mom, there will sometimes be hurt feelings, misunderstandings, arguments, or times of emotional distance.

It would be nice if relationships were perfect. Life would certainly be smoother if friendship didn't demand time and effort. But I guess that some of the magic in relationships stems from the depth they acquire through time and shared experiences. If every relationship had effortless connection and perfect compatibility without any effort or practice, I think something valuable would be lost.

It seems it’s the shared experience of investing time, putting in effort, and learning how to navigate challenges that allows relationships to grow and become meaningful and transformative.

My mom and I have had 28 years of getting to know each other, and along with all of the best memories, I’ve also found at times, bitterness I’ve had to uproot, judgments I’ve had to toss, opinions I’ve had to reshape. We are changing, and so is our relationship.

I’ve found working things out in relationship really comes down to direct words, spoken carefully.

There is a delicate balance between being truthful and being considerate, and finding that balance is the a game of getting over myself and practicing self control.

I’ve definitely been ashamed of how I’ve acted in our friendship before, and those times are always after I've allowed my overwhelming emotions to guide my speech.

I've discovered that pausing to let my storm settle before speaking is always the better decision. It allows me to carefully consider my words.

The most powerful words aren’t the words spoken with the most emotion or volume, but the words spoken that get most closely to the truth.

And perhaps, sometimes it seems like speaking more loudly gets you closer to the truth of how you feel, because you’re angry. But in my experience, when I let the anger simmer down, underneath is usually some thing else… like fear, or rejection, or loneliness.

This recent season of life I have felt has brought distance between my mom and I. She’s mothering four at home, running a business, keeping her marriage thriving. It’s honestly hard for her to fit in time for anything outside of that, like one on one conversations with me.

Recently, despite feeling a bit embarrassed at 28 years old, I found myself reaching out to my mom. I had to express that there's still something in me that aches for a deeper connection. I realized that what I truly needed was dedicated time for just the two of us to have meaningful conversations. So we’ve started going to breakfast together. Actually, it's a familiar routine. Reminiscent of our 5AM breakfasts when I was a teenager. Looking back, I realize that even then, it was challenging to find moments of solitude for us to have quality time.

We’re reconnecting over bacon and eggs and at least 3 cups of coffee each. It’s a mixture of life’s current happenings (since we aren’t in the day to day together anymore) dreams for the future, hard things going on (like needing to get our roof replaced because of mold), and more. It’s just… time. Basic, but so important… time.

I’m grateful that the conversation comes easily, that we make each other laugh, and that my little one peacefully dozes off for half the time and then plays contentedly in my lap for the rest.

It’s 4:30AM and the birds are singing loudly, and it throws me back into my memories: being six years old, tagging along to work with dad, stopping for donuts along the way. There's a touch of magic in those memories. And now there’s magic in buckling up my baby, heading to the diner where mom and I have shared many breakfasts at 5AM together before.

The waitress pours us coffees and we ease in the conversation with laughter and how cold it is where we’re sitting. Let’s definitely bring sweaters next time.

Mom, I’m so glad you’re my friend. Thank you for thinking my friendship is worth working for too.

NYC: the recap / PT 1

If last week was a color, it would be blue: deep dark blue, the blue of storms. A hurricane, actually. And, continuing this color theme: last week would also be yellow. Cheery and bright, warm on your face, exciting and hopeful. Last week was… well, lot of things. And I want to remember it, and… actually, I’m still processing it.

I want to process the experience and keep the memories. That’s what this is.

If I’m honest, I think going viral for wearing your wedding dresses to dinner is just about the silliest thing ever. We go to dinner together to True Food all the time anyway, we just happened to wear our wedding dresses and take some photos and videos.

Wow, has that one decision provided some hilarious and incredible opportunities that we won’t ever forget.

Let begin in the most obvious place: the beginning.

Alexis made a pretty sweet & simple reel of our evening out and then… millions of people watched it… and liked it, and shared it, and commented on it, and then… People magazine reached out for a feature. (What is happening?)

It went from trying to just trying to get answers and images delivered to People to trying to arrange our schedules (7 adult women! Not easy!) so we could say yes to interviews with CBS, Good Morning America, The Today Show, and more networks and magazines. (What is happening??)

Turns out, these networks are competitive. 😂 Everyone wanted to be the first to talk and how do you decide who to say yes to when you don’t watch any TV or read any magazines? Which is best?? Those questions were blowing up our group chat as we also tried to figure out how to get us all on zoom for these meetings. And then, KHOU wanted to meet in person… well, that complicates things. (What is happening???)

Our Aunt let us know she thought The Today Show was likely zooming with us to see if they wanted to fly us up to NYC. None of us believed this was possible. For wearing our wedding dresses to dinner?? What? 😂

During the zoom meeting that somehow we all miraculously made, our Today Show coordinator (Hi, Emma! We adore you!) let us know they wanted us live on Monday, and they wanted to be exclusive for our first appearance. Ok, we’re committed. We’d be remote, filming from our place in Houston. Ok, phew. We can do that.

And then…

THEY WANT TO FLY US TO NYC?

Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no. The amount of ups and downs and impossible hurdles we jumped to make this happen… were… excessive and impressive. Monday wouldn’t work. In fact, next week won’t work at all. It would have to be the weekend. Wait, our dear friend is getting married. We can’t do that. It would have to be… right now. Like… actually today or tomorrow. Is that even possible? No way that’s possible.

IT’S POSSIBLE AND IT’S HAPPENING.

No time to pluck your eyebrows girls, get in the car, we’re driving to the airport!!!!

It’s a good thing the Today Show wanted us in our wedding dresses, because there was not a single minute to spare to look for clothing to wear on national television.

Hurry, throw that in the car!

Where is Hannah Joy??

Tell Alexis if she isn’t standing on the curb ready, we’re not stopping for her!

Mom, we can’t get there if we’re dead!!! Slow down!

Why didn’t we get someone to drop us off at the airport??

All the parking lots are closed?? Full!!!

They’re trying to send us to the the parking lot 15 minutes away.

I volunteer to drop the girls off so they’ll make the flight, and I’ll just stay home.  Everybody yells at me.

Mom volunteers to drop us off so we can make the flight, she’ll just stay home. Everybody yells at her.

Kate volunteers to drop us off so we can make the flight, she’ll just stay home. We look around.

No, you can’t miss the flight. But you can drive the car to the lot and get back as quickly as possible. We’ll make a scene if they try to leave the gate without you.

We were lost and so very frantic. The frequency of our panic and voices just kept raising as we laughed and yelled our way through elevators, underground trains, skyways, and ran through terminal E until we made it to our gate.

Construction at the airport made getting around the most complicated and frustrating experience I’ve ever had. (And I’ve traveled a lot.)

Trying to then explain to Kate, who was currently on a bus back to the airport, how to manage what we had just done was impossible. There were always at least two voices at once giving her differing directions over FaceTime as she cried her way through IAH in pure exasperation.

Kate finally made it into the proper security line, and was finally so close to making it to us! Hooray! We weren’t even loaded yet, she is totally going to make it!!!!

… and of course that didn’t happen.

The flight attendant servicing the ticket counter was not having a great day and he hopped on our FaceTime to let Kate know that she was 120 seconds too late and that they were now boarding standby.

She should find a different flight.

Oofffff! When I tell you I had to drag mom onto that plane… I mean it.

We all were a little teary wondering if she’d find a flight in time to make it for the most radical thing ever happening to us a group of sisters. Oh, please, let there be a flight!!!

Sitting on the plane, we were finally able to take a breath for the first time. This is happening. We’re headed to New York City on two hours notice to appear live on the Today Show in our wedding dresses.

What. Is. Happening.

(Part two tomorrow. I didn’t realize how long this was going to be. 😂)

Poor Auden flew to NYC in a diaper and… well, actually it was his only one, because along with losing his outfit before getting to put it on him, I also just entirely forgot to pack diapers or diaper wipes. Not winning any mom of the year awards right now.

One minute, weekly home videos

I’ve started an 18 week project - expanding my skills in making better home videos for our family. I have a lot of (a lot a lot… too many?) video clips that deserve some sort of organization so we can enjoy watching them together. I won’t be sharing them all here, but I’ll be sharing some. This was one of our first. (The boys love watching these even more than I do.) ❤️

I can finally see where I’m headed next

This has been a year of less.

Less communicating, less consuming, less distracting myself. Less.

And it’s been a year of more.

More face to face time without interruption, more walks through our forest, more time for joining in free and imaginative play with my boys, more art, more research, more dreaming, more doing. More.

At the end of 2022 I was experiencing that distinct gut feeling (the kind that may as well be a voice speaking audibly to me). I want to get away from the noise.

Specifically because I wanted more space to become mother I dreamed of being.

More living in my day and enjoying it, with all of its slow and mundane qualities (ugh I want this to be romantic, but seriously so much household work is so not), less living in the quick digital universes built for, or by, me.

More time to laugh, less time concerning myself with the worlds problems or trends, political or otherwise.

I’ve always been one to praise the many gifts the internet, and specifically what social media has given us; especially women who choose to stay home with children. So I’m not the person who will poo-poo instagram or facebook in their entirety. It’s thanks to social media that I built two successful businesses back to back that have supported my family in incredible ways.

But… I’ve been peeling back the things outside of motherhood to see who I am inside this role and I’m finding, with guilt… I am not entirely fulfilled in this role; just mother doesn’t seem to keep me interested enough to not need... a nap.

Ouch. I can’t believe I said that out loud.

I assumed motherhood was it. The be-all and end-all. But instead I find the repetitive nature of house work and dirty diapers and meals and meals and meals and dishes and dishes and dishes and, oh my, how does our toilet look like that again? really zaps the life out of me. The management of a household and the needs of toddlers and babies don’t use my favorite skills, or the parts of me that make me feel the most productive, interesting, and creative.

I struggle with fighting the guilty thoughts of "this should be enough" and "some women would give up everything to be mothers" and "God created me for this." But that isn't the whole truth, is it? God created me for so much more in this life, and while motherhood is a beautiful portion, it's not the entirety of my existence.

This last year, stepped back from my entrepreneurial pursuits make more space for mothering, but apparently, I wasn’t specific enough about whatever that was supposed to mean… and social media as default started filling that time. (Mainly sending reels to my BFFs. Hear me out... This was fun.) But no. I flat out refuse to be the social-media-scrolling mom. (No judgements here. Again, I have always found social media useful for business, but I think it’s more of a net negative when I’m using it to consume instead of create.)

I’m just figuring out who I am, who I want to be, and how all of this works in this household with me and our 8 month old, 2 year old, and 3 year old. This last year has been very revealing and I feel like I now understand the direction I want to move forward in. I think, for the first time in a while, I can see clearly the woman I want to grow into next. The wimpy parts of me want to delete the rest of everything I’ve written here and just leave that.

If you haven’t gathered this already, my blogs don’t end with tidy little bows, packaged perfectly with a the formula I’ve figured out or designed to make life better immediately. I wish I was a pro like that. I’m just here writing because I’m an external processor and writing helps me understand and untangle what’s going on inside my own head.

Spending 2023 committed to exploring, learning, and growing. Here’s an abrupt ending to a whole lot of jumbled thoughts. ✌🏻

7 Tips for taking photos with toddlers

When it comes to getting cute self-portraits with toddlers, I've learned a thing or two about how to stay patient and kind throughout the whole experience. (Let’s make memories, not trauma.😂)

Let me share seven of my fave tried-and-true tips. Hopefully these help you get some precious moments… while keeping the peace.

Timing is everything: Choose a time when your little one is well-rested and in a good mood. Hungry or tired toddlers can be a recipe for meltdowns, so plan your photo session when they're at their happiest.

Embrace the playfulness: Turn the whole thing into a fun game! Bring out their favorite toys, use props that make them giggle, and be ready to make silly faces or funny noises. By keeping it light and playful, you'll capture their natural joy and create the cutest photo opportunities.

Patience is key: Toddlers have minds of their own, and they might not always cooperate or follow your instructions. Embrace their curiosity and let them explore their surroundings. SERIOUSLY: The best shots often happen when they're free to be themselves.

Simplicity is beautiful: Keep the focus on your toddler's adorable expressions by choosing a simple background and minimal props. A clutter-free setting will ensure their cuteness takes center stage.

Embrace natural light: Whenever possible, use natural light to your advantage. Position yourselves near a window or head outdoors to capture the soft, flattering light. Natural light brings out the best in your little one's features and creates a warm and inviting atmosphere in the photos. (Plus removes the stress of messing with artificial lighting options.)

Capture those candid moments: Instead of forcing posed shots, go for the candid and spontaneous moments of play, laughter, and interaction. These authentic moments often result in the most adorable and heartwarming photos.

Let them be part of the process: Involve your toddler by letting them hold the phone or camera (with supervision, of course, hahah) or show them the pictures you've taken. Including them in the process makes them feel special and more cooperative during the session.

Choose patience. Choose kindness. Of course not every photo will be picture-perfect, and that's okay! Offer words of praise and encouragement and remember the time you’re spending together taking the photos is more important as the photos you actually get.

I hope you embrace the magic and capture a few self-portraits with your little one(s) this week.

Writing these down for later

The things I wish someone was telling me right now as a stay at home mother.

Writing these down because I want to speak these over young mothers when I’m on the other side of this season:

What you are doing right now is so important.

The time you spend in the kitchen is more meaningful than you realize. Seriously, so much life happens in the kitchen.

Serving your people IS serving Jesus.

Someone seeing what you do doesn’t make what you do more important. In fact, the things you’re doing when no one is looking are the most important things you do.

Just because someone is a successful entrepreneur and a mother does not mean you have to be an entrepreneur while mothering. You aren’t less worthy or valuable in the world because you want to give all of your time to your children, spouse, and home.

There are many good things you can be spending your time on, but don’t let all those good things steal your energy and heart from your family.

Let’s repeat that. Good things can steal from what should be your number one priority.

God only gave your children to you. (Well, and your spouse. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.) That means you are solely responsible to God to on the matters of how they are treated, loved, attended to, and how their hearts are stewarded. You will answer to Him.

When it comes to priorities: made beds, ironed clothes, a clean toilet, and delicious meals all fall very very short of being #1. Yes, of course, you should be stewarding your home well, but if it is coming at the cost of teaching your children to know, love, seek, serve, honor, and delight in the Lord, then the cost it too high.

If you can only do one thing today, seek the Lord with your children.

You home has become your idol if… It’s costing your peace. It’s causing you to snap at your children. It’s keeping you from the more important task of stewarding their hearts.

Just because self help gurus preach perfect morning routines include things like journaling, working out, meditation, scheduling planning, reading, etc. does NOT MEAN you have to do those things if you decide to start getting up earlier.

The activity that is going to get you excited to get up in the morning should be the thing you plan to do.  That activity can totally be sex.

recently

assortment of moments that made me happy.

I broke a habit of 3.5 years

This year is one change after another, some little, some large, they just keep rolling in or calling to me.

In January I upgraded from my iPhone to a flip phone for more freedom. No regrets there, but it did alter my time with a camera significantly. I broke our daily photo streak of three and a half years! I have missed it, honestly. The creativity. The sweetness of having so much of our togetherness documented. And I’ve realized I don’t have nearly as many photos with Auden as I desire.

So… we’re back on (as of… last week?). The daily photos continue, a new start, new dreams of what we’ll do with them. (Books! Poems! Art!)

March 25th, 2023

dinner and sunset at our favorite park, a happy family friday.