Mary & J. Michael get married tomorrow. It’s been pouring rain here… hoping that their outdoor wedding on the Frost parents property isn’t a muddy mess.
During the storms today, lighting struck one of our elms. One of the few massive trees on our two acres… (we still haven’t named our land, but I want to…) I actually felt so sad when I found out and saw it. It’s like a little piece of our magic was struck by lightning. :( trees are magic, aren’t they? I look forward to having more of the little ones cleared out so we can enjoy our land and our larger, older trees. I already know which one is my favorite… the one I’ll want to have picnic lunches under when we live out here. It’s a mighty oak & it probably has really good stories to tell about its years here on this land.
a thursday
Went and looked at some GBG windows today.... still not our choice. Had lunch with Bailey & talked about her birth plan. Looked at front & back doors. Picked up breastmilk for Eliot. Napped because I’m either especially exhausted this week or possibly fighting something off. It’s wedding weekend though! Got to be well! new member zoom at 9pm.
Bottles
Feeding Eliot looks different these days, but I’ve come to terms with the fact I won’t get to breastfeed him until a year like I dreamed. I’m so grateful for the mamas who have donated milk to my boy. He appreciates it as much as I do 😉🥰 and I’m grateful for the opportunity to be pregnant again so he can have a close sibling. 💕
September!
Wait, it’s September? Ahhhh. I love the fall. And according to my Instagram it’s DEFINITELY already fall. I feel like I need to go shopping for fall decor and only diffuse festive blends. And it was so windy and cool this evening we didn’t want to leave this spot where we were playing in the grass. Gosh, what a perfect start to the month. Oh! And Eliot popped a third tooth! First one on the bottom. Sooo cute I could just burst. You know that meme about this year hopefully being a mullet? Like... we’ll party on the backside? I think that’s the case.
The rest of 2020: I’m ready for you.
Movie Night
For the first time in like one hundred years we went to the movies. We say tenet. And I understood… none of it.
August 29th, 2020
Happy things:
Brunch at another broken egg with Matthias
Eliot playing in the water at Minnie & ipop’s
doubled up (& got the picnic basket I really really wanted)
Berry whip & buttered bagels with honey
journal entry 12.21.2014
I found a letter I wrote in 2014 to “2014 Madeleine”
other than cringing at the fact I used to use “darling” so often, I loved finding this piece from nearly 6+ years ago.
——
December 21st, 2014
there is no need to be unhappy, darling.
you will find peace when you adjust your expectations.
you will never be perfect. you will tell lies to yourself
and even to others at times
repent. and you will find forgiveness.
you can’t impress God. please stop.
people see as clearly through your facade as you do.
stop saying never. stop making commitments you cannot keep.
say yes to others less often
so you can say yes to building your future more faithfully.
staying up late is awesome, but don’t write off 10-11pm bedtimes entirely.
there is much peace to be found in quiet, dark mornings.
get a cup of coffee. stretch. don’t dare touch your phone or laptop. grab a book. or don’t. grab a journal. pray. drink. close your eyes. for us on your breathing.
what is it to be alive? what’s the point of today? ask questions. find WONDER.
what are you grateful for? tell God. write it down.
make a plan. give it to God. tell him you surrender it.
make your car your sacred place. live in this moment. where is your heart? where is your mind? stop trying. surrender.
it’s okay to be late to church. I’m glad you’re even going. it’s a start.
mom’s birthday
In the middle of a scorching August, not all that long ago, a princess named Terri was born. She was raised in a magical home with 3 sisters & wonderful parents. At a young age, she met the man of her dreams & they married. ✨ They were told they would never be able to have kids. 😭
....Welllllp. Those doctors got that wrong. 🤣 Happy birthday to the most beautiful mom in the world. I love being one of your ELEVEN miracle children ✨🥰❤️
We celebrated with family photos because it’s nearly impossible to keep them up to date with how quickly the sisters are popping out kids at this point 😜
the way he looks at me
the composition of this family photo was a fail, but I had to share this because LOOK AT HOW ELIOT LOOKS AT ME 😭❤️ I am the luckiest.
Spent the day with a dear friend. Picked up lactation cookies from a kind mama who has blessed me so much. Celebrated Matthias’ dad: 60 years of life. WOOT!✨ it’s been a good day.
breastfeeding
I’m barley producing milk right now, but gosh, Eliot loves nursing for comfort & I’m totally okay with that. I received supplements from Legendairy Milk yesterday. Hoping to notice a difference adding them in to my routine.
seven months with lionhart
Exactly two weeks late, but we got our photo in the hallway. Happy seven months to Eliot 😜💞✨
burnt
what a hard week. transitioning seasons, conflict, all the hormones. tonight I wrote down hurts, frustrations, things I need to let go so I can move forward & burnt them.
my heart hurts tonight. buppy, my sisters dog, was killed by a loose rottweiler that attacked yesterday. and animal control has been horrible and useless, as they always are. (I only have horrible things to say about animal control and how stupid they are, so I’m leaving that alone.) so many things are being yanked up from our experience almost exactly one year ago now— the memory leaves me literally shaking around unknown dogs off leash. I have found that I also have unresolved anger about how the situation was (not) handled by the appropriate parties. more to work through.
if you will, pray for Lizzie & Charlotte. pray for peace & comfort... and justice.
BABY
Eliot went to the nursery for the first time today at church & it’s only because I was volunteering in there 🤣 he LOVED it. so many new toys & babies 😂 ok, this is the most only-mom-cares thing I’ve ever written. I can’t help it. It was just the cutest thing ever & we have the happiest baby ever 😭❤️ Tonight we celebrated Hannah Joy & Ethan & their newest little love in their home. Hannah Joy didn’t want the party to scream “baby shower”, but I literally brought balloons that yelled baby. Couldn’t help myself 😜
sticks
It’s Halle’s 9th birthday today. I miss birthday breakfasts with siblings... the only downside to growing up must be that. She came out to our land today with the rest of the family and while she played with Eleanor, Sarah, & Ella making fairy houses & playing make believe, the rest of us picked up sticks to clean up the property. The bobcat and tractor have been incredible for clearing the land, but it leaves it a mess. It’s incredible how different it looks as it’s picked up.
on the tub
Honestly, I’m grieving. This week is hard. But this boy makes me happy and we love bath time so much so these photos on the edge of the tub were long overdue.
full belly
Eliot was so happy today. Having a full tummy of breastmilk thanks to a donation from a friend transformed him into a Chatty Cathy. I feel so terrible. Has he been hungry for a long time? How long? I don’t think I want an answer to that question. My heart hurts. I am grateful he’s eating enough right now and I hope I can produce enough again to help him stay full and grow big & strong. It’s only day two of power pumping but I am anxious for results. I was hoping to tandem nurse. If I can get through this, I know we can do that. One day at a time.
late birthday dinner
Tonight Eliot played & took a nap at Ethan & Hannah Joy’s while we went on a date to celebrate my 26th. 🖤 Eliot needs more milk than my body has been providing him these last few months. I definitely feel like I’ve let him down. I started supplementing fenugreek & fennel a week or two ago, but I’m going to add in pumping and actively eating foods that supposedly help. I know I’m eating enough calories, I think just all the hormone changes with pregnancy have changed things.
my pumpkin pie
Oh Lionhart, you melt me. & I love your little face covered in pumpkin.
7 months! Oops
this is exactly how helpful I can be when Matthias starts working around cars. 😂 I don’t take pride in being ignorant or unhelpful in this area, but we’ve just never gotten around to me learning on the job and honestly it doesn’t interest me. so that’s that. I took this snippet of our day before realizing... it’s 7 months since Eliot was born! which means we need to do our monthly photo! he’s already asleep now, so I’m going to try to get it with him when I wake him up at midnight to nurse 😂 wish me luck?
Teething
Eliot has been teething and has been such a sweet boy. He’s extra snuggly and being a total mama’s boy. This morning I found myself trying to make him smile as soon as I got him up to see if the top two had come all the way down yet. They haven’t, but all of a sudden I’m excited and think he’ll be so cute with some teeth. 😭❤️
