laptop woes

I’m not proud of this, but these are little journal entries of life, so I’ll just be real here. I called Matthias crying this morning - and maybe yelling a bit😅 - about how I was *this* close to dumping my laptop in a toilet. Refusing to turn on, moving like molasses, screen randomly going black. Ugh. No one has time to fight their technology, but especially in this season, I need more reliability. 😫 I constantly joke about how my laptop is older than our marriage. Ok, we haven’t been married that long - but 5 years for a laptop is a lot, especially when it’s been used thousands and thousandsss of hours. It’s been through my busiest wedding seasons and traveled through 19 countries with us. It deserves to go into retirement. Matthias is helping me wipe it clean and retire it from my full time workhorse to something I use only as-needed. We started looking for “what’s next” and I’ve landed on the iPad Pro 12.9 with the Magic keyboard. Am I making a mistake? Somebody better tell me before tomorrow because we’re planning on buying it since it’ll be on sale for Prime Day. 🤣 Alexis Houston raves about hers and we’re similar/work similar jobs so I feel like it’ll be acceptable now that I don’t constantly need access to LR + PS for editing.

the art barn

Shona is doing an incredible job prepping this barn for the art gallery that’ll be running the weekend of the festival. My guys are sick. I drove Eliot around for a long time today so he’d sleep... he’s been fighting it since he’s having trouble breathing and he neeeeeds the rest. Matthias went to his parents for a while to get in a nap undisturbed since Eliot is a loud, busy handful and if we’re all home together it’s hard to rest. I guess he could’ve just slept at home while we drove around, but I didn’t think of that until after 😆 I’m so grateful I haven’t come down with whatever is going around. If I have a turn, hopefully at least they’re both completely better before it begins😅

Also, 21 weeks pregnant today.

I love you, emerson knox.

October 9th, 2020

“that’s too moody for all the color.” - Matthias ... and that’s how we ended up with this in black and white. 🤪

in my favorite pajamas (and I’m like 99.9% sure they were passed down from my Aunt Richi) and in the chair that makes me happiest, a gift from my grandparents.

another day of forgetting to take the daily photo until we’re getting ready for bed, but still making it work. ✌🏼

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Journaling

You know that feeling when you’re on a long trip and you dream of being home? And you pull out your journal and write out all the things you want to do and what your life and days will be like when you’re back? The structure. The emotions. The intention. That feels really good.
We haven’t been on a long trip recently, but needed a reset so I dropped Eliot off with my mom on a Friday afternoon and went somewhere I never go, ordered an unfamiliar drink, read a book, then journaled. Journaled like I was far away and planning to come home to an empty schedule that I could fill however I wanted. What would my ideal days look like? I’m completely in charge of my time... if something I want is different than how I’m living, why? The exercise is refreshing and I feel I have more clarity on what to say “yes” to as we move into this new season.

tumblr vibes

while I’ve changed significantly in the past 10 years, my taste in photographs really has not. I’m 26 and still enjoy & take the types of photographs that inspired me (thanks tumblr) at 16. the hardest thing about darker + more quiet photos is the sharing. I cringe at myself when I want to publicly share something dramatic. 😅 I’d rather make a joke. “I’m just a drama mama.” it feels easier that way, because if people are going to laugh, well, I laughed first. I’m still learning how to lean in rather than avoid or make jokes.

I like this picture. I like the light & shadows.

there, progress.

picnicking 🧺

I got the cutest gift in the mail and it makes me sooo happy. 🥺💕 I’ve wanted a picnic basket set like this for years, but didn’t want to settle for a cheap version and just never pulled the trigger. Young Living gifted this just for doing my job. (They always give gifts to anyone who helps 2 or 4 people with their Young Living accounts in a month, so I’m not special, just lucky to work for the best company ever.) if you need me, I’ll just be here endlessly picnicking.

Lovely little ordinary things

Woke up excited & thinking about fall foods & trying new things. Often I write down what I want my life to look like and feel like and it re-visit it to keep me on track. It’s easy to get distracted or lost in the mundane. Or to forget that a lot of times it is exactly the things that may feel insignificant that make up the magic of life if I’ll let them. Washing fresh carrots, making coffee, opening the blinds to let the morning honey light spill onto our floors, warming bottles for Eliot. Little lovely things that add up to a happy life.

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Nursery

Eliot is wigglyyyy in church, so we decided to try the nursery today again. He’s so happy when I’m in there with him, but I wanted to enjoy church with Matthias so I left him. Ugh. My heart! I pleaded with the ladies working — “text me if he’s upset.” I can’t imagine him being in there sobbing missing me while I’m unaware. 🥺

it stresses me out to the point I can’t pay attention. Maybe it’s a first child thing. Maybe it’ll never go away. He lasted about 15 minutes before I got a text “Eliot needs Mommy” and he came back to sit with us.

He’s talking over the pastor with all his little baby noises and loves eating puffs or a pouch or having a bottle during the sermon, but other than those distractions, I feel like he’s a really content baby and does well in a large, quiet room. I’m happy to sit with my baby. I’m grateful to be in church with my little family.

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how can I help?

September 24th, 2020. Matthias asked me recently, “how can I help you?” 

“Help me? What do you mean?”

“With your Young Living business.”

🥺💙 I melted into the floor. When he takes over with Eliot, when he helps around the house... that’s how he helps. And he already does it so well - and I told him that. 

I feel like Matthias could be frustrated with me for how stacked my schedule is right now, but he’s been nothing but gracious. That’s the character quality I noticed first about him. Graciousness. He is the definition of it. 

I had a break at 5 and he encouraged me to take a nap while Eliot was down. And while I was, he made our home beautiful. 🥺

I needed an evening (and people) break so even though I was reluctant to miss the very first night back to grow groups with our church community, Eliot & I stayed home to do nothing together and it was exactly what we needed. 

crying just a little

Lunch with a friend in the midst of busyness and business. Eliot loves her too, obviously. And we went to the granary, because of course we did. It’s healthy snack heaven. I told Matthias tonight before leaving him in bed for more work 9pm-12am that I just needed to cry. Not because I’m upset or run down, in fact, even in the temporary chaos I feel joy. But I’m feeling *allI* the feelings & I know I’d feel better if it came out a bit. I shed some tears, but I know more will come. If you see me anytime in the next 6 weeks and I’m crying, just excuse me. Also, come to the fall festival Oct 24th. K, thanks. 💕

one year of photos

Today is ONE YEAR of daily photos. I remember how proud I was when we hit 30 days in a row. 🥺💕

It feels so good to promise something to myself and follow through. That’s what this year has been. Setting goals and seeing them through. (Glory to God.)

For someone who used to set a lot of goals and *not* see them through, I have to say this makes me respect and trust myself in new, important ways. And that feels (really) good. 

If you’ve been thinking of documenting your life more, DO IT. You’ll never regret it.

Here are some things I’ve noted after doing these for 365 days straight. 

  • it’s damn hard to daily photos 🤣

  • you’ll never like how you look in them, just take them and save them anyway

  • it’s not “taking” from your life or presentness to spend a minute documenting your day

  • not every photo will be frame worthy. take them anyway 

  • what may seem mundane now will be worth remembering anyway later. life is made up of lots of little seemingly insignificant moments. care about them enough to remember them. 

  • it doesn’t matter what camera you take your photos on 

  • have one place you’re saving the photos. an album, google drive, blog, flickr, anything

2020 is brighter

How different this September looks. This time last year was heavy and hard. This month is so much brighter than 2019 and I am grateful. Also, I spent so much time in my husbands camping chair/rocker on this porch he surprised me and bought me my own. AHH😍 I feel like we’ve officially arrived as like an old married couple on our back porch together hahaha

our rain

First time I’ve walked our land in the rain. it’s so beautiful. I still can’t believe it’s ours.

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I meant to do a full entry, but instead my journal says: Eliot started standing today. We had lunch at the frosts. Honey garlic salmon for dinner. worked in the nursery. oily party at moms and I left my camera.

six weeks

I’ve committed six weeks to weekly one on one FaceTimes with women in my Young Living team and oh. my. gosh. the time I’m getting with each is filling up my heart so much. 🥺❤️ I’m loving this time and it’s stretching me. We looked around tonight and realized we had no dinner, but I realized we had the simple ingredients needed for chicken pot pie. Why didn’t I know the filling was easy easy to make? Where has this been all my life? Eliot’s personality makes me so happy. And his little teeth. Ugh. I could eat him. He gives me baby fever. I’m glad I’m pregnant 😂

always in the doona

99% of the time, I forget to take a group photo before Eliot is in his car seat. Oh well. Making it work. 😂 dinner with these dear friends. Bailey is due Friday! Ahh! I’m so honored to be able to attend her upcoming birth. Already crying about how much I love this woman and her little lovely daughter. Birth is so magic, spiritual, terrible, transformative, tender.

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zzz

I am overbooked this week, but I’m too far in at this point to try to change course. Matthias is the most incredible husband, friend, and partner in parenthood and that shines even brighter when I’m running thin. The way he plays with Eliot makes my heart swell. I wanted to try to rest for a bit during dinner time and right as I sat down, Eliot woke up. Matthias didn’t even bring him into the bedroom. He shut the master door and let me catch a few zzz’s. It seems so small, but it feels so huge. He anticipates my needs and is present in our home. I won’t take it for granted.

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