It seems I am hyper-aware of certain attitudes and behaviors. Like I have this internal radar with an alarm that goes off when someone drinks too much, talks excessively, or adopts an unnecessarily harsh tone. These particular annoyances and unkindnesses seem especially amplified in my mind.
And I’ve discovered something rather unsettling… The sins in other people that really rub me the wrong way, are usually so obvious to me because I have the same struggles.
Oof. The shortcomings that irk me the most in other people are usually just mirrors of my own issues. I’m no saint peering from a holy hill down onto the issues of others. Rather, I’m chief of sinners, especially aware of some specific sins in others because they are also my own.
That annoying habit my brother has? I do the same thing. And that character flaw that seems so distracting in that person? Oops, it turns out that’s my flaw. Deep down, I’m bothered about my own failings and I tend to see (or imagine?) them in others.
Our perspective on the world is shaped by our thoughts; in fact, my mom always taught that our perspective is our reality, but it doesn’t mean our perspective is true. hmmm. I don’t know how to tie those two thoughts together seamlessly at this moment, but it still feels worth adding. Our perspective is influenced by our own flaws and struggles, which can definitely distort our judgment of others.
Over the past couple of years, as I've become more conscious of my reactions towards others' attitudes and actions, I've been making the effort to recognize my own faults in those same areas. I've learned to extend grace and understanding because, ultimately, I desire the same compassion and understanding to be extended to me.
The truth is, most of the people in my life are genuinely doing their best, just like I strive to do. And despite their actions occasionally not aligning with their intentions, their motives are usually good at heart. And I am no exception. I, too, want my intentions to define who I am, rather than solely relying on my actions, because damn, sometimes I don’t act like the person I want to be either.
The whole self-awareness thing really kickstarted a much-needed journey of personal growth for me. It's like a light bulb went off in my head when I started noticing my own character flaws reflected in others. It made me stop and think.
Maybe I should take a closer look at myself and use this as a reminder and motivation to change.
What’s that verse? Pay attention to the log in your own eye, before pointing out the speck in others?
I love that the negative things I was noticing anyway are now turned into positive action.
When I dig deep and figure out what makes me tick, what attitudes or behaviors are holding me back, what unkindness I might still carry, and what I can do to break free from those limitations, I have the opportunity to confront my own weaknesses.
I love-as-much-as-I-sometimes-hate that I’m in the middle of the story. I find it encouraging to just acknowledge the messiness and accept that we’re all on a path of becoming.