When I was an awkward twelve year old girl, with long brown hair and no sense of my own style yet, my family attended a church that met in a local elementary school. Actually, I bump in to, and share circles, with many of the people I met during our few years there, even now, a decade and a half later. I didn’t know it then, but some of my best friends were there, already more than a decade into their marriage, already parents with a houseful of boys and girls. If you had told me at twelve I would become an adult and become close friends with the other grownups already in the church, I probably would’ve thought that was preposterous.
When I was nineteen years old my path intertwined once again with Mark & Shona Cole. I was freshly out of a bad relationship and starving to make art, make connections, be somebody, and build a life; they welcomed me into their lives and home with hot cups of coffee, and their time, and conversations late into the evenings.
Mark & Shona value truth and beauty, they support art and artists, and are always thinking about and talking about interesting things. The draw into their world of deeper thinking was magnetic. They let me into the conversations they were already sharing, and I realized immediately they were living out values that I wanted to hold myself.
There were many evenings, espresso and poetry in hand, we’d sit, a small group of us, on worn couches, between floor to ceiling shelves of books, and we’d talk about what we’d read. I had the least valuable things to say, but my voice was always welcome and encouraged anyway. One of the most memorable seasons of discussion was focused on the poetry of TS Eliot, and if you don’t already know, his name was given to our first born.
When I was a young teenager, Shona, a blogger, and photographer, and mixed media artist, wrote a book called The Artistic Mother. It’s a book I now cherish and love to look through. I’m certain it is no coincidence that I am now an artistic mother and blogger and photographer too.
When I was building my photography career, Mark & Shona gave me counsel, encouragement, and were with me from the ground up.
When I left full-time wedding photography and entered motherhood, they cheered me on still.
I don’t know who I would’ve become if I hadn’t had them in my life during such an important time. I was able to witness up close, even living with them for a short period, how they really spent their days, and how they raised their incredibly intelligent and creative six home schooled children.
One thing that has especially stuck with me, is how they hold their home with an open hand, choosing relationship, and creativity, and freedom, over perfection. You will find evidence of their children’s artistic expressions all over their home, and it’s not something they feel the need to apologize for.
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but my home feels like my sanctuary, and sometimes I feel like my kids are just messing it up. But you’ll never get that vibe in the Cole home. Inside their home is a place to freely think and work and create, even if the walls get ruined. They decided their highest value was not going to be the like-new condition of their living space, rather they value life happening within those walls, with the people they care the most about.
That’s what I want in my home. I want to value the right things. I want to invite you in, and share a drink, discuss ideas, and try to get the heart of a matter. I want to discuss meaning, and for there to be an abundance of free artistic expression and joy in my home. I want to want paint splatters on my patio deck, instead of living rigidly.
I want to identify the beauty in the messes, rather than feel like I’m missing out on the beauty of a clean home, one not full of so much… life… and living.
A few weeks ago, we celebrated the engagement of the Coles second daughter, Laura. A girl dear to my heart, as I’ve known her since she was just toddling around in a pink tutu. We sat under twinkly lights, eating beef and chicken fajitas and drinking tea, and Mark shared words and poetry. While he spoke, he pointed out a little “max loves avatar” written on the wall behind him. Written years ago, but never wiped off or painted over, it’s a little expression of the kind of life and home they hoped to and did successfully provide to their children. And now I’m the one with little ones, and I hope to do the same. I want to revel in the beauty of a home bursting with life, perhaps one where the walls tell stories too.
Mark and Shona, if you’re seeing this: I wouldn’t be who I am without you guys, I love you. Thank you.